Mavis Joshi

She was just amazing, and I love her, always will.

She used to open her yellow umbrella in such a funny, dramatic way. She would hold it like a club and to open it, she would forcefully extend her arm so the umbrella stem would slide open. Then she would dramatically press the button and the umbrella, as if following her cue, would burst open.

I remember the first time I texted you, the day you joined our college group chat. I saw your username, Mavis, and messaged you privately: “Mavis? like the character from Fairy Tail?” You replied straight away, “OMG how did you know that”.

And since that conversation we were connected, because of all our shared interests and of course our undying love for Avatar the Last Airbender. We talked everyday, called each other, played games with each other. We did anything and everything but do online classes.

I find her flair for languages very impressive. When I first met her, I was telling her how I was learning Korean and somehow she knew how to read and write in the Korean script. Of course, she was into Japanese. She also knew a lot of French. She could recognise German and even Swedish.

Once when we had gone to IKEA she just pronounced every word right and would even correct my pronunciation. I asked her how she knew Swedish of all languages, and she just shrugged and said she just knows a bit of some languages and Swedish just happens to be on that list.

Our first interim together was the first time we met. I was sitting with someone else the first day. On the second day Mavis asks me in an annoyed voice, “why didn’t you save me a seat??????” and I was a little flabbergasted, because I thought she would have lots of friends she would rather sit with.

I pulled up an extra chair for her, but found her crouching over her iPad on the ground, drawing something. I asked her if she wanted to sit, but she was already very comfortable on the ground. She would give immaculate answers crouching and being virtually invisible to the rest of the class. I found her so fascinating that day and still do to this day.

There are sooo many, but the one I’m thinking of is when we had a sleepover at my house. Season 3 of Squid Game had just come out, so we were binge watching it. We had lunch the next day at Marine Drive and it was such a lovely time with her, as always.

I always thought she was very clever and had so much random information about everything. She really sounded like an encyclopedia.

The second time we got to be in the same interim class was such a special moment in my life. I get a notification from mail and a text from Mavis saying “LMAOOOO HELLO” at the same time. In exhilaration I open the mail first, I see her name, and I remember getting so ecstatic that we get to be with each other for a whole month again.

I reply saying “SAME. INTERIM???” She says “YES”, and that we should “keep the streak”.

Her impressions and voice acting skills were so fascinating, she’d mimic characters way too well. She’d do this silly thing of swinging open the lift door herself and then shouting “ladies first” in a really sassy way before entering, and holding the door for me.

Mavis was a very goofy person, but couldn’t stand it when jokes were disrespectful. This one time we were having a live funeral in our interim class and someone was making jokes about the funeral. We rolled our eyes, and Mavis stopped working after a point out of anger.

She was a very principled person. I will always admire that about her.

Even though you struggled so much everyday, you never made anyone feel any less seen.

You raised countless funds for families and people in need. You made comics about your own life — transdiaries — hoping it would help someone out there. It helped, and saved countless people, and made an incredibly safe space for them. Me included.

I went as a side character to act in Pari’s film. And I was surprised to see Mavis sitting there. She was also going to be the side character! We spent so long waiting for the main character to get ready. That’s where the photos are from.

We talked and talked and talked for a couple of hours until they were ready to shoot. We had loads of fun shooting. Mavis kept entertaining us throughout. After another couple of hours and retakes we walked back home and I gave her some biryani which our PG had for dinner that day.

Mavis and I used to send each other stupid reels. Very stupid. Mostly small cats, or reels with funny AI audios.

We both went to this animation event in college together, but we didn’t know the whole event was actually happening in Mumbai and here at Srishti they were just playing the live YouTube link in the screening room. It was kind of lame so we wanted to leave, but we really wanted to see this one screening.

When we asked the faculty he said he couldn’t give us the live link, so we waited for him to leave during lunch break and Mavis quickly took a picture of the link from the laptop screen, and then we made a run for it. We were laughing about it the whole way back to my PG, where we watched the rest of the screenings and chatted. Despite the event being lame, it turned out to be a really fun day.

She was always playing this game on her iPad, similar to piano tiles but with Hatsune Miku songs. She was so good at it. Me and all our friends were just in awe watching her play. I’m pretty sure she could do it with her eyes closed.

She always knew what I was going to say. She’d have the entire conversation with me in her head, playing it out before it even happened.

“While we’re driving to the airport, you’ll ask me, ‘What was your favourite memory?’ And I’ll say, ‘The time we went for that tufting class.’ And then you’ll say, ‘Yeah, me too. That was so much fun.’ And then you’ll say, ‘Remember when you cracked that joke?’ And I’ll say, ‘Yeah.’ And then we’ll both say, ‘Good times. Good times.’”

She’d go on and on, imagining the conversations we’d have years from now, and exactly how we’d remember things together. She didn’t just remember our memories. She imagined how we would remember them in the future.

I guess, in some strange way, she knew we were going to do exactly that. Make a website for her. Gather up all these little pieces of her. Try to remember her together, in the way she had always imagined we would.

Ahh I have so many, I honestly can’t choose one. We were such a weird duo. I still remember the time I kept yapping about Leviathan and Mavis said “the bible is such a funny thing” — like okkk???

And you saying that you are Suga from BTS and giving me your autograph was genuinely insane. And all the stupid jokes about The Summer I Turned Pretty and that Culpa Mia movie. And when we went to Area 83 we went on that giant swing and I was screaming at the top of my lungs and we were so calm. And us playing DTI was so funny.

Even though you were going through a lot you were still there for me no matter what. I still remember when I was really depressed you drew a butterfly on my hand. It was so cute. If I ever get a tattoo I’m gonna get that butterfly.

She was at some point OBSESSED with Touch by Katseye. She used to hate on Katseye so much, and somehow got attached to the songs while clowning them. She started singing Touch almost every day during Character Design class.

Even though along the way we made countless new friends and you became the face of DMA — no, cut that, you became the face of Srishti — you still called me your best friend. Your “Samuel pamuel”.

That was the start of the deadliest virus of them all: the way my name has evolved and changed and somehow become a new language of its own, starting from Samuel to Hamuel. You started it, so you needed to be a part of it too. Mavuel.

I’ll remember you. We’ll remember you, with all the happy memories. Memories of you drawing all over our tables, all over our sketchbooks, making the most creatively hilarious jokes.

I’ll think of all of these and remember all the happy memories we shared together, and maybe have some popcorn and Pepsi and watch some Avatar the Last Airbender.

Mavis was my only friend that truly understood my experience as a trans person, we had a certain level of comfort and understanding that I had never really found in anyone else before. She was so cool to me, the fact that she was living life on hrt and that she had completely socially transitioned, and I wanted to be as brave as she was, but I never could. It’s devastating to me that mavis will not know when I progress in my transition in life, I will never be able to share my wins with her in that way ever again. We often joked that if we swapped our bodies maybe we would be happier or “normal”, but looking back upon this, I disagree. Mavis has taught me the joy of creation, the joy of transitioning and I am still learning how to find the joy within the struggle to be who you are.

In her last writings Mavis also told me that I must keep living, surviving and keep fighting and do the things she couldn’t do. I feel like in the two weeks since her death that’s all I have been trying to do. If I lost my only trans friend because she was a victim of suicide, I will try my best to make sure the world is a better place so that nobody has to experience the isolation that she did ever again. Even in death she inspires the revolution within me. She is the reason I keep trying to fight for survival for not just trans people but all oppressed people everywhere, and when the revolution comes, we will owe it all to her. Today I am unable to attend as I will be at a meeting with the students at Jantar Mantar who were on hunger strike during the recent neet protests. If mavis was here I know she would have been there too.

I miss you Mavis. Thank you for showing me a glimpse of the pink opaque, I’m going to spend my life trying to find that again, and trying to fight for you and trying to keep surviving. Thank you for all that you have inspired within me. I wish things were different enough for you to want to be here too.

your brother in arms, Samir.

It made me violently mad when she would make jokes about not being woman enough. I remember I would start punching the air in front of her and she would just be standing there like “🧍”. But one of our last conversations was about how I don’t feel like a girl myself. She said maybe you’re trans, I will help you through it. I was like hmm maybe :)!!

Funnily, one of the first messages I sent her on Instagram was me trying to set her up with my friend. She is sosososo pretty. When I told her my friend was interested in her she was surprised, idk how... They talked for a while, she ended up ghosting him, and I think that’s very funny. What a queen.

“Why are YOU judging me” — whenever she’d say sum questionable and I’d look at her weird.

Her iPad... I would always be in awe of her playing that piano game. She went dudududududududududud. I remember I challenged her to do it with her eyes closed. She did it!!

She was a special and creative child. I could relate to her struggles and hoped for an amazing life for her. May other trans children have better upbringings by the generation that has read about her experiences, with amazing storytelling through her sketches. I hope she left a mark that may inspire better lives ahead.

I could not understand her K-pop music, and it was fun to argue with her about it.